i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
