While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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