Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
