I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
