you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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