Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
