you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
