she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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