OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
