Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
