I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
