I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My cat gives me a boner
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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