aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
