I cut my penus on the lid.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
