Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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