The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
