I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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