I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
