i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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