John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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