dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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