It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
