gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize