i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
