i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
