Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
