i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
