I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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