im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
