i just had sex bonerless
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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