Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
