You really coming over, don't trick.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
