Moan for me like Helen Keller
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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