You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
