I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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