I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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