I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
