I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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