when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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