Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
