Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
