Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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