well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
