I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
