Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i came on her dog
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
