Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
