If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
