I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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