let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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