a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
