i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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