The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
