Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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