could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize