Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
