It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was like eating out sand paper
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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