He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
