Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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