im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
