we have pet lesbian snakes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
