found the other keg... it's in the tree
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize