Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
