I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
birth control should be required to get into college
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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