I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
