I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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