I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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