Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
