My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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