Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
