i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
