i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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