There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
