i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize