he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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