What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
