Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
