and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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