Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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