On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
