I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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