You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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