is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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