My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
