She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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