I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
bring money and cleavage
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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