tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
