you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
