I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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