You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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