she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
