I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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