Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i've created a new STD.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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