I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize