I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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