I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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