ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
