Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
