Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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