Christians are straight up FREAKS
My friends, they love my intelligence
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
