and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
