i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
