i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
