i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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